Monday, January 13, 2014

I don't want to be a good speaker!

Last night my husband and I got to minster together to a group of college students.  Roman led worship and I was to give the Word.  I really felt I had the heart of the Lord and a basic direction on where He wanted to go.  I usually have "word for word" notes written out but this time I felt the Holy Spirit needed to have total control so the notes were more loose.  My hearts prayer over the last several months has been.

#1-  I want to be with You where You are. . .(part of last nights topic)

#2-  I want to be a choice vessel.

I wrote a blog a few months back about the "choice vessel" but if you missed it here is a re-cap. 

In our house we probably have at least 30 coffee mugs.  Everyday, however, I choose one of two mugs to drink out of.  These are my two favorite mugs ("vessels")  to use.  In fact, if both of these mugs are dirty, I will stop to clean one of them rather than use anything else.  Why do I like these two the most?  Well in thinking about it:

#1- they have the thickest ceramic so the coffee stays HOT much longer
#2- the thickness gives it a sturdy and "lasting" feel (not easily broken)

As I pondered this I told the Lord, "I want to be on of Your chosen vessels.  The one You will "cleanse" in order to use.  The on that burns HOT and is steadfast and hard to break." 
I want to be the vessel the Lord wants to reach for each day.  I want to be poured into and poured out of daily, not to sit on a shelf collecting dust.

That has been my prayer and desire. . .so last night comes and I get distracted because a "college" atmosphere in not what this 30-something mom is use to.  I actually forgot to pray before I started speaking!  Now here is the thing.  I don't think the night was a total BOMB, but I also don't think it was what the Holy Spirit would had done if I had truly been a surrendered vessel.  I began to ponder this during the night and He put this prayer in me:

"Lord, I DON'T want to be a good speaker, I want to be a surrendered vessel that YOU SPEAK THROUGH".

You see, my favorite mug (vessel) has NO SAY in what I pour into it.  It can get coffee; tea; or hot chocolate; and it has no control of what is poured in or poured out! 

A good speaker can make a great feel-good speech in the flesh and everyone goes home feeling excited about what they heard.  But a surrendered vessel can only give the Word of the Lord and then people go home CHANGED.

As I pondered this the Lord was so gently with me.  He is a good Rabbi/Teacher and knows my heart was to obey but my mind saw the "waves".  Total surrender is so difficult because I have controlled this body now for 34 years, but my continual prayer will be:

"Pour me out as a drink offering."

Sunday, December 22, 2013

What I learned on Skid-Row


Last night my husband and I watched a documentary called ‘LOST-ANGELS: Skid Row is My Home’.  That seems like an odd pick for a Saturday night by the fire but the past several months God has taken us down an unforeseen road and we have had the opportunity to minister in Downtown Amarillo to people who are either homeless or in dire poverty.  We chose this documentary hoping it could give us some insight into a world we are unfamiliar going into.  Here is a summation of what God is teaching us in this new ministry encounter:

In the documentary you meet a lady who has government housing but prefers to stay out on the street most nights.  She pushes around a large shopping cart filled with trash.  She loves cats and birds and spends every day walking the 50 blocks that Skid-Row occupies in LA feeding them.  I started thinking of the times I have encountered the homeless population whether in Dallas, New Mexico, or 6th street in Austin.  I have seen SEVERAL people pushing carts filled with trash; I have to wonder, why?  Why is a cart filled with trash so important to them?  As Roman and I discussed it, he said, “We all do the same thing.”  Then today in my Word time the Lord confirmed this to me.  Let me explain.  The Word tell us:

Matthew 6:19 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where they can be eaten by moths and get rusty, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where they will never become moth-eaten or rusty and where they will be safe from thieves.


But what do we all do?  We store things up and pack them into our garage, attic, storage unit, junk drawer, hall closet, lay-away, etc, etc, etc.  Most of these things we never look at once they are packed away yet we refuse to get rid of them.  Is it possible that the extra coffee pot I have had stashed in the garage for 5 years looks the same to God as her cart of trash looks to me? Temporary and of no real value.  Perhaps I am more like this woman than I thought as I too am guilty of storing up  "Treasure/Trash" here on earth.

As I read on from Matthew 6 the Lord highlighted this verse to me. 

 
Verse 25- 25 "So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life -- whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. . .
 
In my last post I shared about the gift I received from a homeless man.  This man has become very precious to my family, in-fact, we now consider him family.  I went to see him earlier this week.  The downtown resource center was having a Christmas party for those that they serve.  Each person was given a bowl of cheese nachos and two cookies.  My friend offered me some of his nachos and gave me one of his cookies.  NOW, think about this.  That was more than likely the ONLY meal he would get that day and he did not know if there would be one tomorrow, yet he offered some to me!  Perhaps he understands the Words of Jesus in Matthew 6 better than I do.  (This week I worried that we might have to “dip” into savings to pay the doctor bill for our sick kids).

After my friend offered to share his meal we walked back to his storage bind.   It is a plastic tub the size that I pack my kids summer shorts in.  It holds EVERYTHING he owns.  He pulls out five red Christmas stockings that he has purchased for my children, my husband, and myself.  Mathew 6 goes on to say:
 
31 "So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. 32 Why be like THE PAGANS who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, 33 and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
If this had not shown me the true nature of God, the lesson is not over yet.

This man has my husbands phone number.  He has medical issues and is crippled.  We have asked him repeatedly to call us if he needs anything, yet he has never called. . .until Friday.  All three of my kids got the flu this week.  It is contagious a full seven days.  We had invited our friend to come to Christmas Dinner but had to leave a message with the shelter that due to the illness in the home we would need to reschedule with him for New Years.  That is when the phone call came.  Not a complaint that he may not have a warm home or meal on Christmas.  Not a call to tell us of his medical needs.  He called to check up on our family and prayed God to bless us.

So for all my learning about homelessness: whether in Downtown Amarillo, or on Skid-Row Los Angeles;  I suppose the Lord has me there not to minister, but to learn what it is to be more Christ like. . .after all. . .Jesus Himself was a homeless man.


Matthew 8:19 Then one of the teachers of religious law said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you no matter where you go!" 20 But Jesus said, "Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but I, the Son of Man, have no home of my own, not even a place to lay my head."
 
 
 
 

 

 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

A homeless mans gift


Today my husband and I got to minister together at Central Church of Christ for an outreach called Loaves and Fishes.  As we were getting ready to leave we both joked about the condition of our gloves on this cold December day.  His had a rip in the seam, I had to borrow some from my children.  One was an army/camo glove and the other was a black skeleton glove.  (It was certainly a bold fashion statement). 

We were both humbled and blessed to be a part of this ministry in Downtown Amarillo.  People of hard circumstance are blessed with not only groceries but a weekly worship service as well.  I provided this week’s “Word” and Roman led the worship.  In all the places I have ever been blessed to speak I have to say this one was my favorite.  I was blown away by the love of the people and the way they responded to God’s word.  My message was simply “My Redemption Story”.  I didn’t go into all the Hebrew and Greek meanings of the Exodus and Pentecost.  I simply told the story of me, a sinner, and how God’s amazing grace came to “save a wretch like me”.  I gave a simple white card to write confessions on if the Holy Spirit had convicted their hearts and they wished to surrender some things to God.  Many times when I speak I don’t know if I truly reached the audience. . .but today I saw tear stained faces as they humbly brought forth their cards asking for God’s mercy.  Some cards saying “I am tired God and ready to surrender”.  Some confessed sins and addictions; many with tear stained faces.  When the service was over the minister at Central Church invited the people to come forward and lay hands on my husband, our pastor, and myself to offer prayers for our church and ministry.  So there we stood surrounded by those that, according to Mark 10:31, might be called least here on earth. . .but called greatest in heaven. . praying for us, that the Lord might bless us.  It was all very humbling to say the least, but then came the biggest lesson that God had for me to learn from this group.

Mark 12:41 Now Jesus sat opposite the treasury and saw how the people put money into the treasury. And many who were rich put in much. 42 Then one poor widow came and threw in two mites, which make a quadrans. 43 So He called His disciples to Himself and said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all those who have given to the treasury; 44 for they all put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole livelihood."

Remember my glove situation?  I had taken the mismatched gloves off and put them into my pocket.  A homeless man noticed I didn’t have gloves so HE GAVE ME HIS!!!  Everything in me wanted to refuse his gift but I knew the Lord wanted me to accept it.  He gave me his ALL out of his lack.  Through a homeless man the Lord met my need for new gloves.  So. . .who is the greatest one in the Kingdom?   The one who stands up and gives a great message, or is it perhaps the servant of all? 

Lord make me like one of the least that I might one day be called great in Your Kingdom.